Ep 239 – How to Feel Supported in Fitness

In this episode of Vegan Proteins’ Muscles by Brussels Radio, Giacomo and Dani dive into what it really means to find and ask for support on a fitness journey.

From navigating family dynamics and romantic relationships to handling food environments, training schedules, and social pressure, they explore practical strategies for getting support without creating conflict.

They also discuss the role of community, why hyper-independence can be limiting, and how shared fitness spaces can dramatically improve motivation, adherence, and overall well-being, especially for vegan athletes.

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TRANSCRIPT

[Giacomo]

Should we start? Let’s do it. Welcome back to another episode of Vegan Proteins, Muscles by Brussels Radio.

My name is Giacomo. And I’m Dani. And welcome to the show.

It has been a while since you and I have gotten the chance to record, but first I want to thank you all for continuing to tune in. I hope that you’ve been enjoying the change of pace here. Ben has been the one who has been coming up with the topics, and that’s been interesting because we’re using the creative minds of all of ours instead of Dani’s alone, or Dani’s mind and my mind put together, or whatever my ideas are.

But I don’t like to just go right for the jugular and dig into the topic. I want to catch up a little bit and enjoy my time here with you recording this episode because it has been a long time.

[Dani]

Yeah, I don’t, I don’t, I actually don’t remember the last time I sat here and recorded an episode. It was probably like six months ago. Sorry.

[Giacomo]

So, okay, well, but you’ve been enjoying your time in the kitchen, right? Just making recipe after recipe, just killing it. I mean, the recipes you’re coming up with are out of control.

I am absolutely loving being the recipient of what you’re doing because for the first time in my life, I get a chance to not feed myself like a toddler anymore. And I have awesome recipes that are ready all the time because it’s part of what we’re doing now. And it’s giving you an understanding of how we actually meal prep and meal plan when we’re not scrambling and doing our things, or what would be, I say, ideal, if you will.

[Dani]

Yeah, because I’ve been doing pretty much all of the YouTube stuff, and it’s really very challenging in its own way. Not that filming it, like I enjoy making the videos, but like the pressure of coming out with a new video every week is a lot. And you guys know me, like I actually just eat the same thing all the time forever.

So having to come up with new recipe ideas is like a little bit challenging. But then yeah, we have a lot of different food at the house, which Giacomo then promptly eats.

[Giacomo]

You know where my head’s at, don’t you?

[Dani]

Nope.

[Giacomo]

I’m calling BS on that one. You eat the same thing over and over again until you’re done with it. And once you’re done with it, there’s no turning back.

You eat something for like a solid, whatever, six years, then all of a sudden you’re like, nope. And then just never again. And there’s no rhyme or reason, just that’s it.

I’m done with this meal.

[Dani]

The rhyme and the reason is that I’m sick of it.

[Giacomo]

When’s the next time you’re going to have broccoli?

[Dani]

I’m still eating broccoli, but broccoli might be on its way out. And it’s not broccoli’s fault. It’s that we always buy this frozen broccoli, and that’s what we’ve been eating with dinner every day for years.

But it’s just been bad for a long time. The broccoli florets are like the size of my fist, which makes them terrible to cook, or it’s like all stems. It’s just terrible.

I can’t even enjoy it anymore. So I’m mad at broccoli at the moment.

[Giacomo]

But this year is kind of cool when it comes to meal prep and meal planning, because you also get a chance to incorporate what you do into the meals that you have, hopefully, with family. But sometimes it could be a little awkward too, because you have your certain routine and whatnot, and the holidays can be a little stressful, because maybe sometimes family doesn’t understand how you eat the way that you eat, or why you eat the way that you eat, or there are pressures. I know going in to visit my family, the conversation I started to have with you is, I don’t want it to become a food fest.

I want to enjoy the people. I want to enjoy everything. And I know myself.

I know I love my mother’s cooking. I know I love your cooking. And I know the two of you are doing a lot of the well, she’s doing the majority of the prep, but you’re also bringing, what are you bringing?

[Dani]

Tofu ricotta for the lasagna she’s going to make, and pecan pie, chocolate pecan pie, I think.

[Giacomo]

I love food. But my point is, just because you want to enjoy your creature comforts, once in a while, doesn’t mean you don’t want to go into there without a plan. I feel like that’s a nice kind of segue into what we’re looking to talk about today, because it’s all about feeling supported in your fitness, right?

And this can be a hard and difficult thing to ask. I remember when I was, I didn’t bring up the topic, actually, the subject with my coach, right? And my coach was either, you know, honestly, I don’t know if he was talking to me, or if he was bringing it up during one of his podcast episodes or whatever.

But it was basically like, well, I have to have a conversation with mom and be like, I need to do this thing right now. So I’m going to be eating a little bit differently. And from his perspective, at least how I heard it was that his mom was supportive, right?

That’s not going to be the case every single time, right? And that’s just one small example. There’s so many different ways that you can look for support, but you also don’t want to make yourself the person who is on display, or the person who’s going to be judged, or the person who’s asking for too much.

And I feel like we have these conversations often with our clients, too. And in some ways, we provide accountability, and they have enough support here. But in other ways, it’s helping them get through these difficult situations with family members, with friends, co-workers, with their partners, for example.

Like I know you and I are probably going to have our next conversation the next time that I prep. Should it be in 2027? I can tell by the long pause there that you just gave me, this long slow blink that you’re bracing yourself for it, because you already know that, yes, you support your partner’s dreams, hi, and your desires, and what you do, and you’re intimately familiar with it, but it still is an ask.

[Dani]

So are we talking today about how we look to find support in our own fitness journeys, or how we can be supportive of people in their fitness journeys? Which one is it?

[Giacomo]

I want to play all kinds of angles over here. I think both of those are on that should be on the table. And I feel like there’s more as well.

Like how do you ask for support? When do you maybe consider not asking for support and just figuring out on your own? How do you deal with other people’s reactions or their lack of support or their judgment?

All of it. And of course, yes, how you coach your clients through that so that they can help them better coach themselves through it.

[Dani]

Right. Because I feel like my brain is just immediately going how to be supportive of people because that’s my job. My job is to create this environment of support for people that are trying to reach their goals.

But I guess I haven’t genuinely given a whole lot of thought to how do I find support? Like how does one find support in the rest of their life outside of that? So that actually might be a little bit of a trickier thing for me to talk about.

Also, because I’m not very good at it personally, as you know.

[Giacomo]

Well, let’s open up the subject right here, right now, live with our listeners. How do you wish that you asked for support or how are ways that you want to ask for support that you don’t verbalize?

[Dani]

I don’t really I don’t really think about it that much, you know, and you tell me all the time that I’m a bit of a lone wolf, hyper independent. I just do the things that I want to do for the most part without talking to people about it. I just do it.

So I’m literally probably the worst person to have this particular conversation. I can’t really think of situations where I’m like, man, I really wish I had asked people for support in this. But also, I might just be a broken human being.

I don’t know. How about you?

[Giacomo]

Oh, gosh. Well, I too am a lone wolf like you and hyper independent, but I’m also not afraid to ask for support. And sometimes I straight up do.

And I think I get my feelings hurt pretty easily. Or I’m so afraid of being judged when I ask for support that it actually winds up backfiring on me. And I start to regret having asked others to support me in my journey, actually.

So to your point, I don’t know if I’m the best person to ask either. But hey, here we are, the experts telling you or suggesting and guiding you on what you need to do.

[Dani]

Experts in supporting, the experts in supporting.

[Giacomo]

Exactly. You can be really you can be an expert at supporting others and not know how to support yourself.

[Dani]

It’s a mixed bag. Like you just said, sometimes you ask for help or support and you’ll get it and all will be good. But sometimes you ask and not only might you not get it, but sometimes it can even be like turned around and kind of used against you, I feel like.

So I don’t know. I like to think most people are in a situation where that’s not the case and you really have to be. It’s kind of like when we talk about goal setting, how you need to be very choosy about who you even tell your goals to, because of the same reason.

Like some people are going to be very supportive of it. Other people are literally going to want to see you fail. You don’t want to share your goals with those people.

You don’t want to turn to those people for support because you’re not going to get it. But being able to differentiate which people those are going to be, I feel like is a lot tougher because sometimes the people we think are going to be very supportive, actually they themselves are scared that if you change too much that you’re going to abandon them. So even if they care about you, they kind of don’t want to see you reach those goals either.

So they might not be the most supportive.

[Giacomo]

Yeah, it’s a really tricky one because usually the people you go to first are the people you can normally trust that you’re close with. And part of it is you just wanting to share what you’re doing with them and be like, hey, this is what I’m up to. And then part of it, of course, is a way to protect yourself because you know you’re going to be exposed and you want to get ahead.

I’m remembering some of our earlier conversations five, ten plus years ago where we started to… Is your mind going there as well? No, it’s not.

[Dani]

No, it’s the way you talk about time ranges that always cracks me up. It’s like, and then, you know, six months, two years, 15 years later, and you just… It’s hilarious to me.

Like, I don’t know, five or ten years ago. It’s just funny. It’s funny to me.

Sorry. Continue.

[Giacomo]

It was a cold, stormy day on December 18, 2012, and we were having a conversation. I’m kidding. I’m kidding.

I’m kidding. Sorry. I took the bait.

Anyways, but back in the day, we were all about… Well, we were also getting our feet wet with how to adhere and stick to a nutrition program and how to help others adhere and stick to a nutrition program. And we were also newer to this conversation with you.

And we’d started getting into the topic of, well, you know, when you’re going out to and sitting down at dinner, you’re going to be doing things a little differently. And there’s going to be different options on the table. And you can eat in a balanced way.

And people are going to ask you questions. And how do you tackle all that? But if you flash forward to today, I think the smart thing to do is be proactive and to have these conversations well ahead of the fact.

And don’t just make it about an occasion where you’re going into it and you’re going to be nervous and you hope that you don’t feel uncomfortable or make choices that you want to make sure you don’t regret too much after the fact to move on from them. It’s a matter of fostering and nurturing those relationships with those kinds of conversations of being like, you know, I’m doing things a little bit differently and give people a chance to process and digest as opposed to waiting on the spot and just hoping that you’re going to get the reaction of people that you’re looking for.

[Dani]

Interesting.

[Giacomo]

Yeah. I mean, even back in the day, there were, we used to talk about being the only vegan at the table. Remember those conversations?

Of course.

[Dani]

We still have episodes about that.

[Giacomo]

I know.

[Dani]

Like now, like they come out still because that’s a real thing for a lot of people. It’s just not really a thing for us anymore. Anyway, I digress or you digress, if we’re being honest.

So I would say there’s multiple areas where somebody could seek support and there’s a few different sources to seek support from. So first, I would say training, letting people know, hey, I’m going to be making this time to be training. I’ll be at the gym at these hours just so that they know, you know, not to expect you to be home and around during those hours.

I think that’s one way to go. Another way to go is to literally find a buddy that’s doing the same thing. That’s a great way.

I think for me, I think that’s probably a better way to seek support, but I would say it’s also a harder way to find somebody that’s wanting to do the same things you’re doing with the same intensity at the same times, basically like a gym buddy or a training buddy. It doesn’t actually have to be somebody that you go to the gym with, but somebody that you can touch base with regularly to be like, hey, did you do your thing today? Yeah, I did my thing today.

Did you do your thing today? Harder, but I think probably more effective. But I don’t even know if it’s necessarily support.

It’s even just like a common courtesy to let the people that you live with know, hey, I’m not going to be at home as often as I was before because I’m going to be dedicating this much time to, I don’t know, running a marathon. So I’m going to be gone for four hours every Saturday trying to do this long run. Your family should know.

If they don’t know and it just like surprises them, that’s a really good way for them to end up being like kind of resentful of the whole thing.

[Giacomo]

Absolutely. I like that because you’re offering courtesy when you’re doing things differently to the people who are important to you, as opposed to just doing your own thing and thinking people are just going to figure it out and be okay with it. It’s not that you can’t do what you want to do.

It’s just a kindness to let people in and be like, hey, I’m going to be around less often, or this is really important to me, or hey, if maybe we can be inspired together for whatever reason, if you become an example to them, et cetera, et cetera, or maybe this is the new thing that you can talk about a little more often with them. But none of that works unless you have the conversation.

[Dani]

And I think that there’s a few different ways to have that conversation and how you have that conversation is likely to determine how supportive somebody wants to be of you. And I’ll give you an example. Somebody coming and saying to, let’s say, their spouse, I’m going to be doing this competition prep.

I will not be around. I will not be partaking in dinners. We will not be going on dates.

I don’t think that’s going to end very well. Right? You have to consider the relationship itself and what you owe or what your responsibility to that relationship is.

And if for some reason you wake up, decide you want to pursue this goal, and you’re like, well, too bad, so sad for those things that you thought I was going to be here for. I’m going to peace out on them for the next year. Hope you’re still here when I get back.

One, probably not going to get much support, even if the person wants to be supportive, because why would they be supportive of you when you are being incredibly unsupportive of them in the relationship? But also, like, it’s just it’s not going to be good for the relationship. The other way would be to, like, talk to your partner why this is important.

What is a non-negotiable in order for this goal to be achieved? And what is still flexible? You know, saying like, oh, there will be no more date nights.

That’s not going to work for most people. But saying, hey, can we change up our date nights a bit so that they revolve less around food and more around maybe something else? Would that work for you?

That’s going to have a much better success rate.

[Giacomo]

Well, yes, because even in a worst case scenario, if you wind up lacking the energy or the time or you just cannot put yourself in the mood to do what you normally do and engage with your partner and be in your relationship, at the very least, you have let your partner know, hey, this is important to me. This means a lot to me. And I’m going to put forth an effort.

And P.S., I’m also going to look to you to be my ally here. And let’s make this let’s make an effort together because things are going to be changed. Things are changing and things can be done differently.

So it’s not going to be a letdown. It’s going to be like, well, this is my partner’s true intention. And they’re making an effort and they’re taking actions.

It’s just at some point or another, if they don’t become capable, at least you knew ahead of time and you know that they care about you.

[Dani]

The partner that’s doing the thing cares about you?

[Giacomo]

Yes.

[Dani]

I don’t know, man. I think it’s so tricky. I think bodybuilding is like the most competitive bodybuilding is the most egregious example of this that I can think of.

I don’t know. Maybe like Ironman training would be too, but I don’t know very many Ironman athletes. But towards the end of a bodybuilding competition prep, it becomes a full time job for that person.

And then on top of that, they’re so tired and energy depleted that they’re pretty awful to be around. So there’s not much being given to the relationship from that side either. It’s even if you know that person cares about you, I think it’s still really, really hard because I don’t know very many bodybuilding spouses who don’t feel like towards the end, at least towards the end, sometimes it’s like the middle to the end of a competition prep, that they are second fiddle to bodybuilding.

And that’s why I think bodybuilding is like, I love the sport. I really do love the sport, but it is like one of the most selfish sports I think that exists. So I feel like that’s the most extreme example that I can think of, of wanting to be searching for support.

And I think it’s why so many bodybuilders in prep become an island at the end, because they kind of have to be. Does that make sense?

[Giacomo]

It does. I think my perspective has changed over the years, but like you, the only personal experience I have with it as an athlete is competitive bodybuilding. And it’s very easy to use that as the example.

But over the years, as we’ve managed the Vegan Strong Plant Built team, I’ve not gotten a chance to be intimately involved with our other athletes, but I have been a lot more aware of what their needs are and what they do. And I’m realizing that it’s actually a lot more universal than we…

[Dani]

I don’t think so. You sure about that? I don’t think so.

[Giacomo]

I hear stories about people who say they live in the gym or they sleep in the gym or they’re eating out of their car because they have to fit it all in.

[Dani]

I mean, don’t name names.

[Giacomo]

Exactly.

[Dani]

I mean, I have several athletes in my mind right now, for example. I can’t think of a single powerlifter, even super, super high level powerlifters that are like, my relationships have really suffered because of my powerlifting. Or strongmen, or Olympic lifters, or kettlebell lifters, maybe crossfitters, if they’re very high level.

But the thing about bodybuilding is you can be an incredibly introductory bodybuilder, but if you’re going to step on stage, you’re going to face the same struggles as somebody going to the Olympia because your entire life… Just in order for anybody to get to the stage, your entire life is bodybuilding at the end of it, right? I mean, if you’re stepping on stage appropriately.

[Giacomo]

I mean, I hear what you’re saying, but I do respectfully disagree just a bit. I know I’m biased because I am a bodybuilder and I will do this again and again, but I do think it’s not… There’s more to it than meets the eye, Dani.

I really do genuinely think that just starting to look more closely at other sports. But like you said, there is a special kind of breed when it comes to bodybuilding. And I do think the mood disturbances and the behavioral change because of the calculated calorie reduction and the minimal amount of body fat that you have with forced energy output is very…

[Dani]

Turns you into somebody else. And not you, specifically everybody. Every client that I have that competes in bodybuilding that’s in a long-term committed relationship, their relationship has suffered by the end of it.

It’s fascinating. It’s really, really fascinating. Even in couples where both of the couple are bodybuilders, it still happens.

Although I think to a slightly lesser degree because there’s some empathy there because they’ve been there themselves. Anyway, I don’t know how much this is talking to, speaking to the actual topic, but it’s the most extreme example I can think of somebody searching for support. And I think the most difficult example of finding it.

[Giacomo]

Let’s pivot and talk about something a little different. And I want to tease out another idea and see where your head’s at with it. What about the couple where one person wants to change and they do and their life keeps improving and they keep getting healthier and more energetic and fitter and their partner winds up presenting them or they wind up presenting their partner because they want their partner to take care of themselves.

What do you do in a situation like that?

[Dani]

So I see this with not just partners, but with family members, with really close friends. I think it’s common, actually, and it’s probably the hardest in a relationship because often when someone completely turns their health habits around, like they are becoming someone else. And that’s not to say that they’re not who they are at their core still, but like their interests are changing.

What they do on a day to day basis is changing. The way that they interact with food is changing and their body is changing and they really are kind of becoming somebody else in a lot of ways. And that is one, it’s scary for the person.

That’s it’s very weird as somebody who’s been through it. Like, it’s very weird. And I could talk about that all day, but it’s really hard for the other people because they’re like, hey, man, like we were we sat on the couch and binged pizza and watched television together.

Like, that’s what we do. What are you doing? This is what we do.

This is what our relationship was built on, you know, or like going out to the bar on the weekend. Like, that’s what our friendship was built on. And now you’re not doing it anymore.

Like, it’s very easy for the person who’s becoming healthier to get pissed off at their friends or their spouses or whomever for not being gung ho for them. But if you try to look at it from the other perspective, even though they’re not being abandoned, you’re not abandoning them, they can still feel like they’re being abandoned. And that’s really hard.

And I would encourage both parties, I guess, to try and see it from the other person’s perspective. But also, if it’s a relationship that’s important to you, you have to find the threads that keep those relationships alive and healthy, even if that means some things change. I remember like my family would get together and eat something.

I don’t know why I can’t remember what it is. Let’s just say pizza. I don’t remember what it is, but they’d have like these pizza nights.

And even though I was vegan and I was a lot healthier, I wasn’t doing their pizza nights the way they were doing them. But I would still show up with my own little pizza that I’d made for myself that I could eat that fit what I needed. But I was still participating in this like ritual that we had always done.

Yeah, I can think of like going to diners with my grandfather. And like, I would still go to diners with my grandfather long after I was vegan, long after I was much healthier. And I would just get oatmeal instead of like, I don’t know, the stack of pancakes or something that I would get before.

There’s ways to do it, but you have to be strategic and you have to be flexible. And I feel like when you’re able to do those things, that is when you are going to get the most support from the people around you.

[Giacomo]

And in the beginning, don’t expect it to play out the way that you hope for it to play out. You have to give other people a chance and some time to meet you where you’re at and process what you’re doing and how it’s different. But if they care about you and they love you and you’re asking for support in the right kind of way, then there’s an opportunity there for them and for you to be just as close and to grow stronger over time.

[Dani]

I also think that when somebody is becoming healthier, it’s the first time they’ve ever experienced this in their life. They’re feeling like a new person. They want everybody they know to feel like a new person.

They want everybody to be experiencing this. So they become the preachiest bastards like overnight. And nobody likes that.

Nobody. Like think about the last person that you met that was preachy about anything, really, honestly, anything. Nobody likes it.

Nobody likes to be preached at. Right. And I did this.

I did this. You did this. Oh, my God.

[Giacomo]

Totally.

[Dani]

Maybe it’s just a rite of passage. I don’t know. You’re like repelling support when you do this, when you start talking about how the stuff someone else is eating is actually really bad for them, whether that’s from like a vegan perspective, which I also did, or just from a health perspective, you might as well just like slam the door on that relationship because you are degrading trust in real life.

Why would they trust to be in that situation with you if you’re just going to talk about stuff that makes them feel bad? And it never actually works either. Never actually gets that person to change.

Right.

[Giacomo]

And that’s the saddest part because you’re just excited to talk about what you’re doing and you’re also hoping to inspire someone else and you’re doing the exact opposite. And at the end of it, you’re actually driving a wedge between you and the person that you’re talking to as far as your relationship with them, which is the worst part of it.

[Dani]

So maybe this is part of why I’m like so hyper independent about these sorts of things. I just show up, do my thing, bring my own food, eat what I’m going to eat, and I don’t talk about it. Somebody usually asks me about it.

And that’s a different story. If somebody is asking you questions in good faith, you can definitely talk to them about it. And that’s not that’s not weird.

But if you’re just bringing it up that, you know, actually, coconut oil is not the healthiest fat, like no one needs that right now. And I think as nutritionists and coaches, people expect that from us at every shared meal, which is so obnoxious. Honestly, we sit down with people and have dinner and other people start talking about, oh, I know I shouldn’t be having this because and I’m like, I don’t care.

I do not care.

[Giacomo]

Because you represent the thing that they want and the goal that they’re going after. And they have this weird relation. They think that they have to be accountable to you.

They aren’t even trying to or that’s what you want to talk about.

[Dani]

I think they’re trying to get ahead of me judging them, which I’m not judging them in the first place. So I get why people do it, I suppose. But anyway, let’s talk about actual real practical ways to seek support in the household or in the family when it comes to nutrition, because I feel like this is the toughest one.

The training is the training. You’re out of the house more. That’s easier to deal with than, you know, hey, loved one, I am trying really hard to eat healthier and I have a really hard time abstaining from potato chips.

So can you not have potato chips in the house? Like, it’s a fair ask, like, but it’s it’s probably not going to work if that person wants to have potato chips. Right.

So how do you do this? Because this comes up a lot like, oh, I’m trying so hard and I’m doing so well. But as soon as I see my kids’ cookies in the cabinet, I just can’t help myself.

You can’t just expect your kids to not to change their diet because you’re changing yours or your partner’s or whatever. So how do you deal with that and how do you ask for help?

[Giacomo]

Well, I’m coming up with all kinds of unsavory ideas that I’ll spare. At the moment, I’m thinking about how to be devious and mischievous and tease my family members. But obviously that will only go so far.

It’s actually not going to work. But no, I think the first thing you need to understand is that you’re not the only one in the house and other people have their own personal eating preferences, habits, needs, and they absolutely have a right to have what they want to eat in the pantry, in the fridge. And if you’re the one doing the shopping, for example, and you take that away, that’s not going to go over well.

Or like you said, if you’re the one preparing the food or whatever or making more of the decisions, household, say you’re the adult and you live with whatever your kids and you start forcing change on them.

[Dani]

Well, I think it’s one thing if you’re like, hey, guys, I’m going to try to make us healthier dinners, like and you’re like kind of doing this like slow shift for everyone and everyone’s on board. That’s cool. But if it’s like, hey, guys, I’m not buying junk food anymore and you’re not having it either, like they’re going to find it like they’re going to find junk food.

They’re going to eat more of it and they’re going to resent you for putting them in that situation. So what do you do? Like we even experienced this when we moved in here with my mom.

Do you remember? Oh, my goodness. So it was just me and Giacomo living together for forever and we eat pretty similarly.

And then we bought this place with my mom and we lived together here for a couple of years and she had a snack cabinet full of snacks, cookies, chips, all of the cracker, whatever. So many things you would think we’d have like these iron wills because we just never even had that stuff in the house before. It was hard.

I was not used to having that stuff right in my face all the time. I had quite a few snacks for a while before I was like, this is not sustainable for me. So I don’t remember exactly how we dealt with that with her or if we just like buckled down and we’re like, stop eating it, Danny.

[Giacomo]

I’m trying to think about how that one played out.

[Dani]

But we’ve done this with each other over the years as well. If one of us is dieting and the other one is not, it’s like, hey, can you keep your snacks in this cabinet and I will just not go in that cabinet? And of course, there’s still some discipline and restraint required on your part to not go in that cabinet.

But there’s discipline and restraint that you have to exercise in the world at large. So it’s not that big of a stretch. I’ve literally asked Giacomo to ask me to not eat his stuff, like as if someone says to me, hey, I’m really looking forward to these things.

Can you not eat them? Then I won’t eat them. But if someone’s like, hey, I got stuff for the house, that’s a lot more likely that I’m going to eat it.

Let’s see. Last time I was on prep, we had all of these nuts and seeds in glass jars at eye level. That was not working for me.

No? Oh, no. Because I would just be like, I’m slowly starving for the stage.

Oh, there’s almonds right in my face. I did not know that. Let me just get some almonds.

So yeah, we moved them to a different spot where I wouldn’t see them so much. Now they’re actually in a cabinet. Not for that reason.

But yeah, those are some ways I think that are a lot more practical to ask for help versus just full abolition of all junk or snack food from the house. Because here’s the other thing, right? Almonds are not junk food, OK?

Potato chips, junk food. Almonds, not junk food. You get all the junk food out of the house, eventually something else just becomes your new thing, right?

So at the end of the day, you really have to identify the behavior. It’s not the food itself. It’s the behavior.

[Giacomo]

Yeah.

[Dani]

Right? Yeah, more or less. Like you get all the junk food out of the house, I’ll be drawn to the peanut butter.

You get the peanut butter out of the house, I’ll be drawn to the giant bowls of fruit and I’ll eat more fruit than I need to eat. I’m not saying that I do this right now, but I’m saying just in general, it’s not about the food. It’s about the behavior.

[Giacomo]

So you’re working on changing your behaviors and you’re torturing everyone else in the process because you’re playing, how do you say, you’re rearranging everything in the house, what you can have in there, what you can’t have in there, creating all these food rules and this and that and blah, blah, blah, what goes where. And everyone else is like, what is this madness right now? I’m just trying to go to the place where I usually grab my bag of potato chips and eat them.

And this is just ridiculous. So something that you have to be aware of. And I don’t know if there’s any easy answer there, because like you said, you are, again, depending on your dynamic in the household, you may or may not be the one who is making decisions and who has control.

However, if you are, like if you’re in a family and you’re a parent, for example, your approach that you’re recommending where you’re gently introducing healthier foods and encouraging your family and trying to guide them in a supportive, nonjudgmental way to make healthier choices without inflicting them on your partner, your spouse, your child, this or that, because what is that going to do to their mindset? Oh, my gosh.

[Dani]

I think the kids one is a little bit different because like you are the parent, you are choosing what the kids have access to.

[Giacomo]

Yes.

[Dani]

But I do think to just like pull a 180 on kids where you have let them have these foods for a decade and then you’re like, ha ha, no more junk food, like that’s going to end badly, which is why you should just start them healthy young. But, you know, not all of us do that. So I’ve had some clients that have actually had some success, especially if they’re dealing with like any sort of binge eating.

I’m not talking about like, you know, having a few potato chips here. I’m talking about like actually binge eating. They’ve had their partners be like, hey, these bars, for example, like I’m not going to eat one of them.

I’m going to eat six of them. So can you put these somewhere that I don’t know where they are? And when I want one, I will ask you for one.

And, you know, some people might think that’s kind of extreme. It’s kind of unhealthy. But I don’t necessarily think that it is.

I think if it was that for the rest of your life, that’s probably not great. But if it’s that while you’re trying to get to the root of what’s actually happening, I don’t think that that’s unhealthy. I think that is finding a supportive environment as long as you’re not placing all of the burden of your eating disturbances on your partner.

[Giacomo]

That’s textbook 101. That’s a definition of a healthy relationship when you that’s why you’re in a relationship with somebody is because you have the chance to talk to them and you have a chance to ask them for things and you seek comfort and love and care and emotional support in them. That’s literally why you’re in a relationship.

So why would that be any different with you making a shift in the way that you do things as far as your eating habits go? That’s exactly what you should be doing.

[Dani]

one that I would say backfires like 50 percent of the time. Hey, I’m really struggling with overeating at night. If you see me starting to overeat at night, tell me to stop.

Tell me I don’t want to be doing this. That sounds nice, right? That sounds nice in theory.

In practice, what is the response to this usually? Don’t tell me how to live my life. I can do whatever I want to do.

[Giacomo]

Yeah. And then as you’re eating twice, three, four times as much as you wanted to, which you were probably going to do whether they were there or not anyway, you’re slowly, silently and then outwardly blaming.

[Dani]

Yeah. I mean, I think there’s a way to do this. There’s definitely a way to do this, but it’s got to be done really carefully.

It’s got to be done just with a lot of care. That’s the only way that I can put it very gently and always coming from a place of like, hey, remember, we talked about this and you wanted me to kind of say something. If I thought maybe you were like starting to do that thing like I feel like that’s a lot better than like, hey, stop eating that.

You don’t want to eat that. And that sounds like who would ever say that. Listen, man, it happens.

I know it happens. He’s done it to me. I’ve done it to him.

And the answer is always like, you’re not my mother. You don’t know what I want. And there’s also ways.

Like I said, we’ve also had times where that works out like, man, you’re right. I was about to start doing that. Like, thank you.

Thank you for catching that because that’s not what I actually want to be doing. So again, it all comes down to the relationship. And I think that’s kind of the crux of this entire issue is like, how do you find support and how do you be supportive?

It’s going to come down to the quality of that relationship and the amount of trust that is in that relationship in the first place. And if the trust isn’t there from Jump Street, this is probably not a great place to be looking for support in the first place. So don’t try and don’t be pissed off if you do and it doesn’t work out because all the signs were saying this was not a good idea in the first place.

[Giacomo]

How about friendships? How about coworkers? And how about the idea of I know I’m going to throw a couple of things out here.

You expand your circles and broaden your horizons. Start the people you associate with, your colleagues, the things that you take an interest in as these things start to change. All three, all the above.

I mean, I kind of gave the most context with the last one, but I’m all ears.

[Dani]

Well, I think that, again, you have to identify the relationship. Does this person actually matter to you or not? Step one.

Like in a friendship, I would assume, yes, they do matter. Their opinion of you matters. And I would approach that the same way as all the others.

With coworkers, some of those people might also be your friends and that might also be the same situation. But some of your coworkers may just be acquaintances and people that you have to say hi to every day. And yes, you have to be respectful and maintain a professional relationship.

But like their opinion of your diet or training habits does not matter. So you don’t need support from them.

[Giacomo]

But you’re in a position where there’s pressure to socialize, go out to eat with your coworkers or you’re offered the snacks by the water tower or whatever. And that’s sort of like a thing is like a little bit of an expectation.

[Dani]

OK, so I always have this one rule that if someone goes out of their way to get something vegan for me or make something vegan, especially for me, I’m going to I’m going to have it because I think that’s just such a I actually think it’s a really great form of advocacy. So there’s that. But outside of that, I mean, use your best judgment.

If it’s like an office birthday party, go wish the person a happy birthday and no one gives a crap if you ate the cake or not. If it’s a big dinner that you think could end with you getting a promotion that is really important, maybe maybe you make some exceptions for that because you are a smart person. OK, so I feel like it’s a case by case basis.

Sorry for all the throat clearing, guys. But if it’s if it’s community you’re searching for, find that community. Like I that’s actually I think that’s going to be my like word of the year for 2026 community, because you’re ready for my tangent.

[Giacomo]

Can’t wait.

[Dani]

We are completely losing our humanity as a species because everything online is not real anymore. Nothing that has been written is written by human beings anymore. It’s just robots talking to other robots about stuff that doesn’t even matter.

They’re just making shit up now. And we’re all reading it and thinking that it’s people, but it’s not actually people. So we’re searching for community and robots by staring at screens in front of screens in front of screens all day and night.

And that’s how we’re going to become even more depressed than we already are as a species. So we have to find communities of actual human beings in person.

[Giacomo]

One thing that I have done this past month to combat this is I have taken out my AirPods. I have put my phone in my gym bag. I have taken out a notepad and I put my notepad in my short pocket where I usually have my phone and I put my pen in my other pocket where I usually have nothing.

And then I just write my stuff. I’m completely present at the gym. What does that have to do with the community, though?

Because it’s usually a lonely place and I’m in my own world and in my own echo chamber. And I’m just paying attention to a bunch of robots talking to robots or just random stuff that was created nonstop to keep on going because the content machine keeps going and going and going. Blah, blah, blah.

[Dani]

I’m like, you know, at least a book was hopefully written by a person, although that’s not even true anymore either. Just so you know, I’ve read quite a few books that I got 20 pages in and I was like, this is chat GPT. I hate the world.

Ridiculous. Moving on.

[Giacomo]

Yeah. And just because machines can mirror empathy doesn’t mean that you’re actually going to find empathy and feelings inside of machines, no matter how much they learn to talk to you and tell you what you want to hear, which is the even scarier thing. But my point here is normally when I’m at the gym, see back in the day, I can’t believe this is even a conversation we’re having right now, but like back in the day, five, 10 years ago, you could have headphones in or not either which way, but it was like this unspoken rule where you wanted to be a gym rat and no one wanted to bother you at the gym and you wanted to do your thing, but people would still acknowledge that you existed. They would see you from one side of the mirror to the other and you would make eye contact. They would change your facial expression and smile at you or not at you or whatever, but you wouldn’t bother each other, which is honestly the way that I like it at the gym.

I know you’re seeking the CrossFit thing. I do want you to talk about that. I would, I want to hear about it a lot, but I don’t.

I’m in a very isolated place at the gym. So fast flash forward to today. When I go to the gym, I’m the same kind of a person, but because I’m in my echo chamber in my digital world and they are as well, there’s no acknowledgement of one another.

People don’t see me. We don’t see each other in the mirrors anymore because there’s mirrors in my gym. We don’t change our facial expressions and acknowledge one another because we’re just working really hard.

Every once in a while, you can like kind of send someone’s body language. You’re like, oh, okay, like we are acknowledging that we exist, but we’re working really hard. Plus we’re like paying attention to our own crap.

But now a month in, people are smiling at me. People are talking to me like small talk. No one’s actually trying to like socialize with me and pull it.

I’m going to take 15 minutes out of your gym day. But again, community and what you’re doing right now is a little different. You are in an actual community like environment on the CrossFit floor training together.

What is that like and how has that changed things for you?

[Dani]

It’s changed everything for me, actually. It’s been really eye-opening. Again, lone wolf, hyper independent.

I’ve always only trained at a gym by myself or with Giacomo. Like that’s it. I’ve only worked in a gym a very short stint of time.

My entire personal training career has been on a computer. My entire life is behind a computer. As a society, we have almost no more third spaces left, especially if you don’t drink.

There’s nowhere to go to like actually see people and talk to people, especially if you work remotely from home, which we do. So I spent a lot of time very, very isolated. And I, for many, for many, many reasons, I decided I wanted to try CrossFit.

And that was kind of part of one of the reasons was like I had heard the community was good, but I’ve joined other like community-based gyms and just not felt like I fit in there very well. Could be a me problem. Who’s to say?

But I joined literally the only CrossFit gym in town. And I’ve been three months. I’ve been going for three months now, which is kind of crazy because it still feels brand new to me.

And I still feel like a complete noob in there. But the community has been great. And it’s not even a very big community.

It’s like the same eight to ten people that are in every class just getting to be around other people that are working towards the same things, even though some of them are even newer to this than I am. And some of them are very high level, all different ages, all different types of people. Like it’s been really eye-opening to me in an experiential way that I already knew the research.

I knew the research on community and how important it is for human beings to have in-person human interaction on a regular basis. And that sounds like such a dumb thing for most people who have everyday human interaction on a regular basis. But I don’t.

It’s very easy for me to not speak to another person face to face for four or five days in a row. Very, very easy. So going there, it’s like I’m looking forward to it, not just for the workout, but talking to people, hanging out with people, but also doing something that feels impossibly hard next to other people who are also doing something that feels impossibly hard to them.

And at the end of it, you know, kind of cheering each other on and high-fiving each other, which sounds so cheesy, but it’s actually not. It’s been really good for my brain and I think maybe my body. It’s crazy because this is not hypertrophy training at all.

But I am pretty sure that I have put on a couple of pounds of muscle since I started this, which is wild, because do I think CrossFit is ideal training? I sure as hell do not. I do not think it is ideal training at all.

If your goal is hypertrophy or even if your goal is like overall strength, the programming is kind of chaotic, if we’re being honest, but I’m definitely getting fitter and I think I am building muscle and that’s wild to me. But it’s the community. If it was just the workouts, it would be kind of fun-awful, but it’s the people that are there, which is just, I really, really think it’s important to find that group of people.

And ideally, and I say this as somebody who runs an online community, I think that online communities are great, but I think even we are going to focus more on having more face-to-face time with the people in our community going forward, because I really do think that’s going to be, it’s going to be the only path to like saving humanity without being too dramatic.

[Giacomo]

Yeah, well, we do. We have a meetup once a year and while we go on two cruises. Well, we had a meetup last year.

We’ll see how it goes this year, but once a year, two cruises. Why we make it a point whenever we do a fitness expo to go out to dinner and find ways to train with our clients and our community, welcome people to come in on over here. You’re in the neighborhood, you fly in, you have a place where you’re doing some work in Boston, you want to drive down here for half an hour and hang out.

Absolutely. I’ve found myself doing more and more work with people in person than ever before. And it’s always something that I’ve genuinely enjoyed anyways.

That’s just me. I’m just a little more bubbly, social extroverted. So I seek out those opportunities naturally, but I feel like there’s a need for that too.

And it’s something that we get to do. Something I’ve been saying the past couple of weeks when people are interested in working with us one on one.

[Dani]

Helicopter? What was that?

[Giacomo]

The spaceship is for a remote online coaching company. We meet up with our clients in person surprisingly often because it’s super important and you want that.

[Dani]

It’s selfishly, it’s as much for us as it is for Yeah, I’m trying to think of all of my one on one clients that I have right now. And I think I have met and hung out with almost every single one of them at some point. There’s a couple in there that I haven’t met yet, but almost all of them.

No, I think maybe all of them actually. And even in our group community, which is a lot larger, we’ve still met and hung out with most of those people. But I think we’ve got, and I don’t know exactly what that’s going to look like for us yet, but I do think it’s something that we’ve got to find a way to be able to do more of or at least open up more opportunities for people to come together.

Not sure what that looks like, but I think it’s really, really important. And I think it’s one of the best ways to find support, even if you don’t see each other all the time.

[Giacomo]

But some of this stuff is going to be exciting and new for those of you who are not already in your routine with fitness and just going to the gym is going to be enough without needing to take a group class per se or what have you. But there are other opportunities as well, things that you can bake in because there’s no shame in your game when your focus is hypertrophy and you’re lifting on your own. Frankly, that’s what we prescribe for most people, honestly, that come to us because you’re going to get the best results that way based on your goal.

But the outcome doesn’t have to be you slaving away at the gym only. It opens up new possibilities. What we’ve been talking about here all along, not just with us, but your activities change, your interests change, like we were saying earlier in the conversation.

So maybe you find yourself going to a potluck where you’re meeting up with other vegans and eating healthy food. Maybe you’re finding yourself going on a hike with your friends on the weekend. I go to play tennis with a friend of mine, for example, or come to your CrossFit class.

Like there are all kinds of opportunities that going to the gym and eating a certain way open up you too. And because you’re stronger, you’re more energetic and you’re more interested in other stuff. And sometimes you could take your people you know already along the ride with you and sometimes you can’t.

But either which way. Yeah, there’s just things that you can do to seek out support.

[Dani]

Well, I hope you guys like this episode. I know it was a little little bit all over the place, but I think we got somewhere. I think we got somewhere good.

If you’re interested in any kind of one-on-one coaching, we have a link to our coaching assessment in the show notes. Be sure to check that out. Fill it out.

You’ll probably hear from Giacomo within a business day. Our coaches have spots, Sawyer, Alice, Ben. If you haven’t listened to podcasts with them yet, I highly recommend that you do.

If you enjoyed the show, if you could give the show a five-star rating, wherever it is you listen to it, it helps us so, so much. Feel free to reach out to us on Facebook, Instagram, coach at veganproteins.com. You’ll always hear back from us.

Once again, my name is Dani. And I’m Giacomo. And we’ll talk to you soon.

Bye. Later.